you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
