yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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