Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
