She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
