Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
