it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
