moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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