I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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