it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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