He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
