you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
