despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
