im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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