She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
