I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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