Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
