im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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