Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
