it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
