I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
