P.S. I can't hear my feet
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
