I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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