my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize