New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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