I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
