Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
