I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
