think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
