I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
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I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
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Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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