I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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