so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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