Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
