Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize