When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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