Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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