Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
the condom got lost in my hair
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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