you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
