Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
