I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
