but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
