i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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