Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
