At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
