he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
