dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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