I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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