she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
