Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I wish you could order shots online.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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