Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Soap is not a condiment
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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