I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
