Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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