Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
