hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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