I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
