I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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