Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
