ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
