Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
