i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
