So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
