just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
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She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
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Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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