just tell him i said nine months
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
and she was petting her beer can
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
