I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize