i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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