For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
