Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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