i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
