I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
