Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
