So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
