How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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