Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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