cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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