Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
